List of Funny Sayings/ Bad Puns/ Wise Ass Comments
~~In the arena of logic: I fight unarmed.
~~If a canoe flew over your house and lost a wheel, how man pancakes would it take to cover your Grandmothers television set?
~~'Wannabe Band Geeks'...? That's a whole new level of Sad.
~~'This cake is amazing! What is it made of?' '...It's...made of cake?'
~~Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
~~Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
~~What causes Pressure Blood in Direction Wrong?
~~I'm vice-assistant-general-manager in charge of certain things.
~~Recipe: a series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.
~~Keyring: a handy little device that allows you to loose all your keys at once.
~~One does not simply ROCK into Mordor.
~~It are a fact. I know because of my learnings.
~~My imagination is TRYING TO KILL ME!!
~~Where's your Trashcan? I stepped in something!
~~They say murderers are Loners. Of Course they're loners! They Keep Killing Everybody!!
~~So what if we get cookies? The Christians get doughnuts!
~~I do not have a bad mouth; I just say FUCK a lot.
~~I'm not getting paid much for staying alive but it's good experience.
~~I think I’ll just sit here and wait till life gets easier.
~~I'm writing to tell you I have nothing to say.
~~Consider yourself thanked.
~~Please don't ask me what the score is - I’m not even sure what game we're playing.
~~My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot.
~~Reports of my being alive and well have been grossly exaggerated.
~~Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
~~Isn't it a nice coincidence that you and I are both alive at the same time!
~~Single-handedly, I have fought my way into this hopeless mess.
~~English doesn't "borrow" from other languages! English follows other languages into dark alleys, knocks them out, and goes through their pockets for loose grammar.
~~W-well, well I fell down, and he fell down...A-and we both fell down...
~~I have a cocaine problem. I'm out of cocaine.


All of the quotes between the ------- are from
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~~Basic rule of learning: if it catches on fire you did something wrong and shouldn't do it again
~~Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.
~~It's not going to lick itself.
~~I live in my own little world, but it's okay, they know me there.
~~Think I'm sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care.
~~Even if the voices aren't real they have some pretty good ideas.
~~If I got smart with you how would you know?
~~I need my happy pills.
~~National Sarcasm Society: Like we need your support.
~~I'm a freakin' little ray of sunshine, aren't I?
~~I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
~~Let me drop EVERYTHING to work on your problem.
~~I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick.
~~The police never seem to think it's as funny as you do.
~~I reject your reality and substitute my own.
~~Some days, it's not even worth chewing through the restraints.
~~I used to do drugs, I still do, but I used to, too.
~~I used to have super human powers but my therapist took them away.
~~I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
~~Short Bus, not just a ride. It's a lifestyle.
~~I refuse to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
~~All I ask is that you treat me no differently that you would the queen.
~~Being unstable and bitchy is all part of my mystique.
~~A smart man only believes half of what he hears, a wise man knows which half.
~~Using a key to gouge expletives on another's vehicle is a sign of trust and friendship.
~~I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice got stuck to my nose. Now I just say no.
~~People like you are the reason people like me NEED medication.
~~My mood ring isn't a fashion statement, It's a court order.
~~If it wasn't for my random sputterings, insane ramblings, and wild hallucinations I'd be as normal as you.
~~I could blame in on PMS but I'm really just a bitch.
~~DO NOT DISTURB. I'm already disturbed enough.
~~Service with a smile. (because I messed with your order)
~~Mean people suck, Nice people swallow.
~~I am not short. I'm built low to the ground for speed and accuracy.
~~This calls for a very subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.
~~I just touched my inner child, is that wrong?
~~Rehab is for quitters.
~~Along the road of life there is no shortage of assholes.
~~Damn right I'm good in bed, I can sleep for days!
~~You're just jealous because you don't hear the voices.
~~Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
~~If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door
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From
~~Call me butter cause I'm on a roll!


From
~~Don't drink water, fish have sex in it.
~~Life Juice!! Use the Life Juice!!
~~Briliiance Beam!! 8D


From
~~*sits on lamp* Mmm, toasty buns!


From
~~ If you think you're there, keep going. Cuz you're not.


From
~~ The brown pants don't like me. D8


From:
~~I have the munchies but I'm thirsty....It's the Drinkies!
~~The divorce rate is %52, meaning weddings are just big, elaborate, expensive Coin Tosses!!!